Grandma’s Pet Goat, Mr. Quirky!

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PERTURBED BY A PET/NO HUMILITY & NO TRANQUILITY
I asked Mother, of all the farm animals she’d met
Could she describe one as her favorite pet?
She told of her youth and this is a direct quote:
“In California they had a small goat.”
This farm family moved there for more than a year.
That’s over 1600 miles, by train, from here.
Of all of the tame livestock and pets she would vote
For that little rambunctious nuisance called a goat!
 
NO BUTTS ABOUT IT/AGILITY AND FUTILITY
She had raised colts, calves, piglets, kittens, pups and chicks.
Watered and fed and trained them to do simple tricks.
On these pets she and her sisters did surely dote.
And they all claim that their favorite was the goat.
Some got baths in a washtub or in the stock tank.
Some became extremely tame, some were always rank.
But there was one that wore a stiff and smelly coat
So they held their nose and enjoyed the stinky goat.
 
AN ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY LAWNMOWER
A GENUINE BUTTHEAD/NO KIDDING
This ‘Kid’ grew to a nearly full-grown orn’ry beast.
Becoming more noisy and bleating a shaggy fleeced.
The problem he caused to neighbors, they would sugarcoat.
He was guilty but he was the fam’lies pet goat.
Here was a live lawnmower that didn’t use fuel
But was a 365 day April Fool!
The neighbors may have been tempted to stuff his throat
With a wet sock to silence the obstinate goat.
 
TO DISTURB AND PERTURB/BOLD, BRASH, AND STUBBORN
In this growing coastal town was instability.
The neighbors knew the inevitability.
From the shoreline came the foghorn honk of a huge boat.
That would be answered by the bleating of ‘the goat’.
But it was harder to explain being disturbed
By barks and meows and being constantly perturbed.
By that infernal bleating cry like a sour note.
By Grandma’s kid’s aggravating baby goat.
 
GETTING YOUR GOAT/SCAPEGOAT
ON THE TABLE-THAT’S ALL WE WROTE
Goats eat anything *… tin, cardboard, there was no hope
Of keeping him tied, because he’d eat the rope.
That mischievous kid got the unanimous vote.
As most entertaining, that silly, billy goat.
They kept that rascal as long as they were able.
As he was well fed but destined for the table.
The children refused to eat (a lump in their throat).
For that final day … of that scapegoat.
 
* Eat astroturf?
 
Sketch by Orv Alveshere
(C) 1995 Orv Alveshere